I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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