You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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