So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
