we have pet lesbian snakes
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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