How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
