i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
