also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm like, not good at living.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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