He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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