Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
