doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I love you. Go after that dick
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
