This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
