As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
