Your face is a jimmy john
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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