I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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