he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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