You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
