15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
