after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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