Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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