A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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