Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
