dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
