can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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