I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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