Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
