Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
