Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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