I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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