and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Someone came in the potted fern
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
