Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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