shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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