You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
