You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
