allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
