and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My vagina is officially offended.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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