just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
