He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
