So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
