i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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