"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
