My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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