no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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