You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
