I CAN MOONWALK!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just puked most of my soul out..
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