threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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