Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
