My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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