I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
