dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
