he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
