You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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